In the form of a Snake Lizard!! Do you remember the Bunny story? I do CLEARLY!!! Im telling you Mi Vida Loca!! Dude! These things always happen when JT is GONE!! First major animal incident I had was a bird getting stuck in my house! I coaxed him with seed that did not work and quite frankly I really cant remember how I ended up getting him out! Animals, wild in particular tend to LOVE getting in to my house! I feel like Im in the back country its insane!
So I had a semi normal morning. A friend came over for coffee and we ended up balancing and budgeting my bills... FUN STUFF!! Not. Alisa came home from school had her snack and relaxed a bit. I had some little zucchini going bad leftover from my garden so i gave it to the girls to take out to our goat for a snack. While they were down the hill I was standing by the back door, I look down near my cowgirl boots and THERE IT IS!!!! A friggin snake lizard! BIG DEEP BREATH! I hate snakes and I hate them more when they have legs! I will probably have a convo with God on why these were created. I mean I am sure he has his plan he always does. Im just curious because honestly my small little human brain does not understand! So I freak but you couldn't tell if you were watching me. Not yet anyway! lol I slowing open up the back door so that I dont scare him off into the house more and I yell at the girls to stay outside! Of course they come running up "what mom why? whats going on!?" At this point I had just shut the door and locked em out. So I go to the kitchen window, open it and explain to them whats going on. Alisa tells Abby "Hurry, get up on the chair its going to get us!" LOL So my girls are outside on the back porch standing on the patio chairs just like the old ladies in the Looney Tunes commercials used to do when there was a mouse running around! hahaha. I get back to work. I get a big cup and a plate thinking Ill "encourage him" to go into the cup when he does Ill put the plate on top so he cant jump out ( I am really not positive lizards can even jump) Ill carry him outside and viola crisis averted! Uh, yeah, well thats not exactly what went down. I go to "encourage" him into the cup and he FLIES around the cup toward me and then back under a china case I have by our back door!!!!!!! I will leave it to your imagination as to how I reacted to this because anything you imagine could not be anywhere close to how dramatic the scene was at this point!!! Where is a man when you need him!? Oh and can I add to your visual? lmbo! I decided before I started this venture that I should "suit up" with a pair of my horse working gloves (that way he doesnt bite me) and JTs size 15 cowboy boots (my boots that fit me just right were too close to the lizard for me to grab, at least I thought so anyway :/ ) Ok so back on track. He is now under the cabinet. So my next genius idea is "ooh, I know, Ill bring crash inside (this is my husky) and he will save the day! Be the hunter he was bread to be, catch the lizard take him outside and viola! crisis averted!" hahahaha Just like plan A, plan B didn't work out quite the way I'd had hoped! I bring crash in and lure him to the scene with treats (this is where I went wrong!) that was it! He was on ME and those treats like a fly on poop! I even threw some treats at the lizard thinking it will make the lizard run then crash will notice and catch him and we can be done! Nope not so much. I gave up on crash and this is where it gets sad for me! I hate snake lizards but I do not wish to harm or torture them! It was my last hope :/ I couldn't have this thing stay in my house and get bigger then one of the girls find it and get hurt! I took a wooden pole I had lying by the back door and tried to scare him toward the back door he would not budge!!! So I did it!!! I went to hit and kill him aiming for his head so it would be quick! That did not work! I lopped off his tail!! The tail starts bouncing around like it has a mind of is own! I wont tell you what I did at that point other then once again like a cartoon or a movie when someone finds a bug on themselves and freaks jumping and running get it off get it off!! Thats the closest I could describe it! I couldn't take it I had to get him! I go after him again! This time still dont get his head! instead his ARM!! This poor lizard is now without a tail or an arm!! I did the best I could to get him outside and thinking ok crash with finish the job. No he didnt he LICKED!!! thats right LICKED!! it! I am happy to say the tail stopped moving and the lizard was officially dead about 5 minutes later :( I almost threw up I was so sad!!! It was the worst animal experience ever! What else was I suppose to do!!?
I am sure this is not the last time something like this will happen while JT is away. I wish it would be, but it wont! Maybe I will have PETA knocking down my door tomorrow! I saw the snake skin video!! I know!! Its not a good thing! If I could have done it any other way I would have. I just cant seem to shake crazy! It follows me wherever I go! Thanks for reading as always and please dont send me hate mail! I am torturing myself enough for all of us!!
LT
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