Oh this one was hard for me! Not because I don't let JT win. If you read my blog before this book you would know I have learned how good this can be for a marriage being the first to give in. Yes that alone is hard but with practice it gets easier and through your own sacrifice when you put down your gun and say I surrender, it most often takes the fight out of the opposing person. But be careful not to be sarcastic Lord knows I do this all too well. "Your right, Im wrong (sarcasm is free enjoy my gift and lets move on) lol. But when I really for the sake of our marriage take responsibility for my actions regardless of what Jt's side in the fight was, we come together stronger through our weakness. I hope that makes sense! But the reason why this dare was hard for me was because it spoke on a very harsh reality of mine, how often in fighting I bring up the word divorce. My parents divorced when I was 6, my Grandparents divorced before I was born, my moms best friend divorced, my Aunts... Divorced. I was raised by divorced "independent" women. Who "didnt need a man" this was not good for my upbringing, not if I wanted to be married and have kids. All I know, all I've seen is divorce. But God did bless me later in life with a wonderful Step Dad. It was through him that God began to teach me about a real man. A man who loves a women faults and all. So long story short I have not said this in a very long time because one night I had said it and Jt started to pack a bag! Reality sank in not only did I need him I wanted him. I was being selfish in continuing to throw divorce in his face. I sat on the couch but did not cry I watched him pack his bag and just thought "how stupid can you be!" Admit it you dont want him to go. Tell him! Before its too late! So i did! The funny thing is he was packing his bag to go to the gym. To get a breather from me. I vowed to him and myself that night I would NEVER say that word again! I made that date my pass word for my bank account so that forever I would be reminded of the day I realized how bad it would hurt if he really left.
The dare for day 13 is to sit down with your spouse if they are up for it and to make a set of rules for fighting the book had a few as examples, of course Not saying the word Divorce was one of them. The dare for day 12 was Demonstrate Love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first. Both of these are hard work but they teach you how to let go and not to be selfish, to put your spouse and the health of your marriage before your own selfish stubborn ways! All good lessons for me! Once again I am so glad I have already read "Proper care and feeding of a marriage" It is like the foundation for this book a "this is what you need to do". Then the Love Dare is like a good follow up a "guide to" or a "How to" put the other book into action! I love both and am thankful for all the growth so far! Day 14 (Love takes delight) is today so stay tuned if all goes well I will have it done and posted this evening! Thanks for reading! Leave comments!
LT
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Love Dare Day 11 (Love cherishes)
First off I need to put it out there once again! This book is crazy! It maps things out so perfectly for you, each exercise preparing you for the next! If you have the right mind set and are determined to finish this book no matter what, it WILL teach you steps to learning to love.
Love cherishes, the book tells a story about a man who owns a car that begins to have serious trouble after having it looked at they say it would take all his savings to fix it. He decides to get rid of the car and use his savings on a new vehicle. Another man, an Engineer, accidentally crushes his hand in a piece of equipment. Once at the Hospital realizes he will have to spend his life savings to fix his hand. Without even thinking of course he gets his hand fixed. The problem with our culture is marriage is often treated more like the first scenario. It goes on to say that the bond between a man and a women is like the second scenario we would not cut our hand off if it were broken we would do all we could to fix it. This is how we have to treat our marriage.
I cannot say I have always treated my marriage this way in fact I haven't always believed my marriage to be this way! I used to tell Jt all the time you are not here because I need you, you are here because I want you! Which at the time was probably closer to the truth because I was too damn stubborn to lean on him but the truth is God has given him to me especially for that! To lean on when I am weak to cry to when I am sad to share joys with! He is my gift from God or one of the many anyways! God has created him special for me! I could not have pick a more perfect partner. It goes on to say that when we show love to our spouse we are showing love to ourselves as well. But there is a flip side to this coin when we mistreat our spouse we are also mistreating ourself.
So the dare for this was... What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? ( I dont do feet :/ eww) lol. Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile. So I helped Jt with yard work. He will usually ask me to help and I dont I tell him its better we split up and get more done. But he tends to work better with an assistant so this day in particular I chose to just help. It was growth for me because truth is I tend to want things done my way and nothing else will do. Jt will almost always go about something way differently then me and yet we end up with the same results. Other then getting over myself and allowing him to do his thing and not only that but assist him in doing HIS thing it was not too complicated a dare! On to day 12, It feels like day 20 though. Thanks again for reading.
LT
Love cherishes, the book tells a story about a man who owns a car that begins to have serious trouble after having it looked at they say it would take all his savings to fix it. He decides to get rid of the car and use his savings on a new vehicle. Another man, an Engineer, accidentally crushes his hand in a piece of equipment. Once at the Hospital realizes he will have to spend his life savings to fix his hand. Without even thinking of course he gets his hand fixed. The problem with our culture is marriage is often treated more like the first scenario. It goes on to say that the bond between a man and a women is like the second scenario we would not cut our hand off if it were broken we would do all we could to fix it. This is how we have to treat our marriage.
I cannot say I have always treated my marriage this way in fact I haven't always believed my marriage to be this way! I used to tell Jt all the time you are not here because I need you, you are here because I want you! Which at the time was probably closer to the truth because I was too damn stubborn to lean on him but the truth is God has given him to me especially for that! To lean on when I am weak to cry to when I am sad to share joys with! He is my gift from God or one of the many anyways! God has created him special for me! I could not have pick a more perfect partner. It goes on to say that when we show love to our spouse we are showing love to ourselves as well. But there is a flip side to this coin when we mistreat our spouse we are also mistreating ourself.
So the dare for this was... What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? ( I dont do feet :/ eww) lol. Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile. So I helped Jt with yard work. He will usually ask me to help and I dont I tell him its better we split up and get more done. But he tends to work better with an assistant so this day in particular I chose to just help. It was growth for me because truth is I tend to want things done my way and nothing else will do. Jt will almost always go about something way differently then me and yet we end up with the same results. Other then getting over myself and allowing him to do his thing and not only that but assist him in doing HIS thing it was not too complicated a dare! On to day 12, It feels like day 20 though. Thanks again for reading.
LT
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Love Dare Day 10
This book is kicking my butt!! I am enjoying every minute of it, but wow! Seriously, it is NOT at all easy to keep up with! I strongly urge anyone looking to start this book to make sure to be prepared mentally for a challenge and pray that God with help you be "moldable" (open to growth). In fact if you cant wrap your mind around that last sentence I suggest you put the book on a shelf and pray until you feel like you are in a place of real honest and open growth.
Day 10 Love is unconditional. You would think we knew this before we stood up to say our vows. "Until death do us part" "For Richer or poorer" "In sickness and in health" the sad reality is that most of us just don't think the bad ones are going to happen, but they do! In my case poor JT got the bad end of the stick, hahahaha no I kid, we both had a lot to learn about each other. But you know what I have something to say to those of you out there living with your boyfriend or girlfriend "playing" house. I lived with my husband for nearly 4 years before we were married. It is not true. It is NOT just a piece of paper and until you put yourself so far out to say out loud to stand up in front of the world and make a commitment to each other you do not get the fullness the beauty of what REAL marriage can be! To feel completely safe that you belong to each other and no one else! I cant really put into words exactly what Im trying to say other then I went down the "playing house" road and it is NOT the same as having a family making it a real commitment, and truth be known we both had our fears I come from a VERY divorced family and was afraid to face the reality that one day I might suffer the same fate. But when we did finally "take the plunge" it was the craziest thing, I had such a peace about it all! I was finally home! I was safe and loved. Now time to get really real! ;) This is where unconditional comes in. I mentioned I come from a broken family and with that comes emotional baggage I am pretty sure this is the sickness our vows are referring to. I mean, really, who is going to get divorced over a cold?! I mean maybe the flu!? lol. But the truth is we are all sick in some way, we all have issues of sorts and as soon as that commitment is made its like this... Okay Im home! Time to unpack all my crap!! LOL. Ever been to a hotel? Do you unpack? No because you are not staying there. It feels like home because there are dressers night stands closets even a coffee pot if your lucky :). You "play" house at hotels. But at home you know you are staying! So you unpack! My poor husband, we married 2 or 3 years ago ( I would have to look at "the paper" to know for sure) and I have been unpacking my crap ever since. He has too, but in a different way then me. This is where the book comes in I have my way of unpacking and sorting through my things and he has a whole other way of dealing with his suitcase. But I said to him, and the world, "through sickness and health". What this chapter says is that when we are first together yes we fall in love because of the friendship and the sex. We also have a list of things we love our partner for sweet, kind, strong, good cook. What if these things changed? What then? I was very happy, I usually am very happy but the past few years I have "unpacked" a few "ish-shoes" that have refreshed some pains and hurts I went through as a young child. Jt had to make a choice to love me through the times I wasn't so happy. The book basically says there comes a point that you have to love just because! You have to love no matter what! Its easier I think to understand this kind of love when you have kids because I do love my kids regardless. I don't always like what they do but I always love them. There is a special place in my heart for them a place they can come when they are sad and need love lonely and what to know they are not alone mad and to know its ok they are human and being mad comes with the territory and I still love them! This is how we have to become with our spouse. I will end by quoting part of this chapter "But you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless yo allow God to begin growing His love within you. Love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things 1 Corinthians 13:7 this does not come from within. It can only come from God." You will need God because us human beings don't have a loving heart and it is not easy to love someone through the hard times this is when we need to look to, have faith in, and trust that God with Love US through it.
I feel like all the previous chapters were setting me up and preparing me for this one. If I can get my selfishness out of the way learn to be patient and to find hope in the future I can Love Jt more easily when times get tough. Its easier when i humble myself. When i remember that Jesus Christ laid down his life for ME!! When I am honest with myself and set aside my pride my eyes are opened to the fact that I too am hard to love but God still does! Here's to learning to love the "unloveable" myself included.
LT
Day 10 Love is unconditional. You would think we knew this before we stood up to say our vows. "Until death do us part" "For Richer or poorer" "In sickness and in health" the sad reality is that most of us just don't think the bad ones are going to happen, but they do! In my case poor JT got the bad end of the stick, hahahaha no I kid, we both had a lot to learn about each other. But you know what I have something to say to those of you out there living with your boyfriend or girlfriend "playing" house. I lived with my husband for nearly 4 years before we were married. It is not true. It is NOT just a piece of paper and until you put yourself so far out to say out loud to stand up in front of the world and make a commitment to each other you do not get the fullness the beauty of what REAL marriage can be! To feel completely safe that you belong to each other and no one else! I cant really put into words exactly what Im trying to say other then I went down the "playing house" road and it is NOT the same as having a family making it a real commitment, and truth be known we both had our fears I come from a VERY divorced family and was afraid to face the reality that one day I might suffer the same fate. But when we did finally "take the plunge" it was the craziest thing, I had such a peace about it all! I was finally home! I was safe and loved. Now time to get really real! ;) This is where unconditional comes in. I mentioned I come from a broken family and with that comes emotional baggage I am pretty sure this is the sickness our vows are referring to. I mean, really, who is going to get divorced over a cold?! I mean maybe the flu!? lol. But the truth is we are all sick in some way, we all have issues of sorts and as soon as that commitment is made its like this... Okay Im home! Time to unpack all my crap!! LOL. Ever been to a hotel? Do you unpack? No because you are not staying there. It feels like home because there are dressers night stands closets even a coffee pot if your lucky :). You "play" house at hotels. But at home you know you are staying! So you unpack! My poor husband, we married 2 or 3 years ago ( I would have to look at "the paper" to know for sure) and I have been unpacking my crap ever since. He has too, but in a different way then me. This is where the book comes in I have my way of unpacking and sorting through my things and he has a whole other way of dealing with his suitcase. But I said to him, and the world, "through sickness and health". What this chapter says is that when we are first together yes we fall in love because of the friendship and the sex. We also have a list of things we love our partner for sweet, kind, strong, good cook. What if these things changed? What then? I was very happy, I usually am very happy but the past few years I have "unpacked" a few "ish-shoes" that have refreshed some pains and hurts I went through as a young child. Jt had to make a choice to love me through the times I wasn't so happy. The book basically says there comes a point that you have to love just because! You have to love no matter what! Its easier I think to understand this kind of love when you have kids because I do love my kids regardless. I don't always like what they do but I always love them. There is a special place in my heart for them a place they can come when they are sad and need love lonely and what to know they are not alone mad and to know its ok they are human and being mad comes with the territory and I still love them! This is how we have to become with our spouse. I will end by quoting part of this chapter "But you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless yo allow God to begin growing His love within you. Love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things 1 Corinthians 13:7 this does not come from within. It can only come from God." You will need God because us human beings don't have a loving heart and it is not easy to love someone through the hard times this is when we need to look to, have faith in, and trust that God with Love US through it.
I feel like all the previous chapters were setting me up and preparing me for this one. If I can get my selfishness out of the way learn to be patient and to find hope in the future I can Love Jt more easily when times get tough. Its easier when i humble myself. When i remember that Jesus Christ laid down his life for ME!! When I am honest with myself and set aside my pride my eyes are opened to the fact that I too am hard to love but God still does! Here's to learning to love the "unloveable" myself included.
LT
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Love Dare Day 9 (Love makes a good impression)
Greet one another with a kiss of Love 1 Peter 5:14. I notice all to often couples who get comfortable to a point where they no longer show affection toward each other or do not say I love you before getting off the phone or when saying good bye.
Jt and i do have moments but it is rare we always kiss goodnight, goodbye and even hello! So I had to get creative with this dare. We joke constantly when we are in public that people probably look at us and think we are a "fresh" couple. We have been through the ringer together and made it through, all to find happy again and it shows! But the times when it is hard is when we are fighting I dont want to kiss and hug and "Oh I love you". Instead, I want to strangle and choke and "You suck because..." but this chapter focused more on greeting. The cool thing is Dr. Laura has already taught me a thing or two about this. In her book "The proper care and feeding of a marriage" she says it like this. If you want your husband to want to come home to be excited to come home then make it a place he can be excited about! ( This is in my own words fyi not quoting book) For example if the minute your husband walks in the door you start in on how horrible your day has been how bad it sucked because you found all his messes you had to clean up then you throw the kids at him etc. and you do this nearly every time he comes home do you think he is going to be anxious with excitement to walk in the door or anxious with worry about what your going to throw at him today? I had personal experience here. While JT was in medic school and working full time life was tough for me with a house, kids, roommates, life got crazy. So I got in the habit of this horrible routine. I would literally throw the kids at him complain for a half hour and then go back to bed or leave to get done things I hadn't been able to with the kids. I started to notice he was gradually getting home later then usual and every so often I would ask what the deal was and he would say "Oh I got to talking with so and so". He was not excited to come home. I wanted him to be ready to come home straight at 730 not because he had to but because he WANTED to. So I made myself a rule I was no longer going to come at him with the kids and complaints instead I would always from this moment on greet him with a hug and kiss and be full of excitement when I saw him! I learned from another read that men have a need to feel wanted a need to be the Hero, and this helps to fill that! I now have a happy husband who comes home anxious to see "his girls" ready to take on all the hugs and kisses we have for him!
The Love Dare says "It doesn't have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate's heart in subtle, unspoken ways." and can I ad I had got to a point where this negative became comfortable. It was NOT easy to step out of my comfort zone and thats where communication came into play. Its kind of like when you first start dating someone reaching out for a kiss can be nerve racking! How are they going to respond? What are they going to say? I have found in my relationship that when I sincerely put myself out there it is always met with joy and love. In other words JT can see its not easy and he is gentle and appreciates it even more because he knows how hard it was for me to reach out of my comfort zone.
So the dare for the day was to think about how you greet your spouse and make it extra special today! Since Jt and I always greet with a kiss... I got a bit more creative. I would share but its TMI and I know saying that probably has all your imaginations in crazy places hahaha but its NOT at ALL what you think! But I did wake him up in an extra special way. :) He liked it and the dare was checked off my list! Also I am not sure if you are suppose to share with your spouse the happenings of the book but I have been telling him because he would think something crazy was going on if I didn't. I don't think it takes from the effect because he still notices that I am putting my self out there and he can see that I am trying. So I am a quarter of the way through the 40 days and so far I am still alive! ;) Thanks for reading and hope you are all enjoying!
LT
Jt and i do have moments but it is rare we always kiss goodnight, goodbye and even hello! So I had to get creative with this dare. We joke constantly when we are in public that people probably look at us and think we are a "fresh" couple. We have been through the ringer together and made it through, all to find happy again and it shows! But the times when it is hard is when we are fighting I dont want to kiss and hug and "Oh I love you". Instead, I want to strangle and choke and "You suck because..." but this chapter focused more on greeting. The cool thing is Dr. Laura has already taught me a thing or two about this. In her book "The proper care and feeding of a marriage" she says it like this. If you want your husband to want to come home to be excited to come home then make it a place he can be excited about! ( This is in my own words fyi not quoting book) For example if the minute your husband walks in the door you start in on how horrible your day has been how bad it sucked because you found all his messes you had to clean up then you throw the kids at him etc. and you do this nearly every time he comes home do you think he is going to be anxious with excitement to walk in the door or anxious with worry about what your going to throw at him today? I had personal experience here. While JT was in medic school and working full time life was tough for me with a house, kids, roommates, life got crazy. So I got in the habit of this horrible routine. I would literally throw the kids at him complain for a half hour and then go back to bed or leave to get done things I hadn't been able to with the kids. I started to notice he was gradually getting home later then usual and every so often I would ask what the deal was and he would say "Oh I got to talking with so and so". He was not excited to come home. I wanted him to be ready to come home straight at 730 not because he had to but because he WANTED to. So I made myself a rule I was no longer going to come at him with the kids and complaints instead I would always from this moment on greet him with a hug and kiss and be full of excitement when I saw him! I learned from another read that men have a need to feel wanted a need to be the Hero, and this helps to fill that! I now have a happy husband who comes home anxious to see "his girls" ready to take on all the hugs and kisses we have for him!
The Love Dare says "It doesn't have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate's heart in subtle, unspoken ways." and can I ad I had got to a point where this negative became comfortable. It was NOT easy to step out of my comfort zone and thats where communication came into play. Its kind of like when you first start dating someone reaching out for a kiss can be nerve racking! How are they going to respond? What are they going to say? I have found in my relationship that when I sincerely put myself out there it is always met with joy and love. In other words JT can see its not easy and he is gentle and appreciates it even more because he knows how hard it was for me to reach out of my comfort zone.
So the dare for the day was to think about how you greet your spouse and make it extra special today! Since Jt and I always greet with a kiss... I got a bit more creative. I would share but its TMI and I know saying that probably has all your imaginations in crazy places hahaha but its NOT at ALL what you think! But I did wake him up in an extra special way. :) He liked it and the dare was checked off my list! Also I am not sure if you are suppose to share with your spouse the happenings of the book but I have been telling him because he would think something crazy was going on if I didn't. I don't think it takes from the effect because he still notices that I am putting my self out there and he can see that I am trying. So I am a quarter of the way through the 40 days and so far I am still alive! ;) Thanks for reading and hope you are all enjoying!
LT
Love Dare Day 8 ( Love is not Jealous)
Sure, Love isn't but I am! Its funny because this book hit it right on the head. It wasn't talking about the kind of jealous you would think. It was speaking of not being jealous of your spouse. His or her achievements, success, having a good day and so on. I tend to get jealous if Jt comes to tell me a story about something he is doing at work that he is all pumped up and excited about, for example, right now he is working on improving the "gym" area at his station. He loves the fitness thing and staying focused on his health. He also makes sure to do his absolute best in this aspect. So he was telling me a story yesterday about how he found mirrors to put up on the wall. He was going to get them and drop them by the station. This is where my jealousy comes in. I become jealous of his success and happiness because i take it in my own little twisted head and think wow sure wish you could be excited about us like that. Or I wish you would be as excited about HOME improvement as you are about work improvement. In this situation I chose to think before I spoke and when I really thought about it I realized I really am happy for him! I am happy he has a good place to stay fit and healthy in order to perform his job safely and come HOME to his family. I am happy that he has something that he enjoys.
The challenge for this day was to take your depreciation list and discreetly burn it. LOL um read the title of the blog people I am married to a firefighter there is no such thing and discrete. I chose to instead just discard of it! I know how to pick and chose my battles and THAT is not one I care to try and explain, hahaha. Then share with your spouse a success he or she recently enjoyed. I chose to share the feelings I had about his gym at work. After doing this and choosing (I really think a lot of this book is making choices toward the good, making better choices) to stay focused on the positive and happy I really had a great day! I think the here is that there are pros and cons in any situation its what you choose to focus on that counts and makes the difference! The book said this... If you dont diffuse you anger by learning to love others, you may eventually plot against them. The bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing. Thanks for reading Ill be posting Days 9 and 10 shortly.
LT
The challenge for this day was to take your depreciation list and discreetly burn it. LOL um read the title of the blog people I am married to a firefighter there is no such thing and discrete. I chose to instead just discard of it! I know how to pick and chose my battles and THAT is not one I care to try and explain, hahaha. Then share with your spouse a success he or she recently enjoyed. I chose to share the feelings I had about his gym at work. After doing this and choosing (I really think a lot of this book is making choices toward the good, making better choices) to stay focused on the positive and happy I really had a great day! I think the here is that there are pros and cons in any situation its what you choose to focus on that counts and makes the difference! The book said this... If you dont diffuse you anger by learning to love others, you may eventually plot against them. The bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing. Thanks for reading Ill be posting Days 9 and 10 shortly.
LT
Monday, July 25, 2011
Love Dare Day 6, and 7 (Love is not irritable & Love believes the best)
First off I would like to apologize for the break in my posts. The last few days hit me like a ton of bricks. I was blindsided by my own lack of attention to details. To catch you up, let me start with how day 6 went because that went somewhat well and the story should go by very quickly.
Day 6 this part of the book had some very valid points that I really liked! I will share and then finish with how I did with the Dare myself. Love Dare Day 6: Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. Why do people become irritable? There are at least two key reasons that contribute to it: Stress.Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health and invites you to be cranky. It can be brought on by relational causes: arguing, division,and bitterness. There are excessive causes: overworking, overplaying and overspending. And there are deficiencies: not getting enough rest, nutrition, or exercise. Oftentimes we inflict these daggers on ourselves, and this sets us up to be irritable.
I really liked this paragraph it points out that our lack of attention to ourselves and our schedule and not keeping a balanced schedule can basically set us up for failure. I can happily say that over the last couple of years living with roommates, overspending and overworking opened my eyes to this. Although i loved sharing my home with family that was going through struggles and having the opportunity to Love on someone through Jesus' eyes was awesome and taught me a lot about Love it also taught me though, that I have to be more careful and protective of my time with my spouse making a conscious effort to spend quality quiet time together. Also I, let me repeat that, I was overspending which would cause fights because when things would get tight I would get stressed and freak about any little dime spent but the sickness of the situation was I, let me repeat that again, I was putting us there. Then there was Jt "overworking" now this was for family improvement because he was in school full time but had to continue to work full time to pay the bills. I only say this because all though it was necessary it still taught me that we do need balance in our life. So I was very excited to read this chapter and to have at least started the steps to working toward a more balanced life. It does help to relieve stress and Lord knows I need all the help I can get in this area ;). The Dare for this was to choose to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of irritation. To begin by making a list of areas you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life. Check.
So on to day 7... I am going to tell you the story of how yesterday went before I tell you about the dare because I think God is a very funny Being who has a sense of humor. All too often I run off on my own, acting like oh "I've got this" and all too often I forget the bigger picture, I DONT "got this" not without God that is! So Yesterday morning I woke up 6am to give me plenty of time to get reading for church and do my reading before I left. Well I spent my morning unwisely and was not quite ready to leave when i should have at 8am. To top it off the girls, outta no where decided that they wanted to go with me early to church ( I volunteer a service and then Jt and the girls meet me after and we go to a service) So of course I was not going to say no! I am suppose to be to church by 830am and I did not leave my house until 830. It did not help that Jt was getting home from an OT shift, he got home at 8am. I was so mad at him because he was off doing yard work before I even left. I was stressed and then to top it off he wasnt even thinking "How can I help her get herself and the kids off in time". So I rushed to church and the day was filled, I did not read my Love Dare in the morning so I had no clue what I should have been doing. We go to church and then afterward I had a Partylite Party to attend at 1pm. I got out of church at 1pm. Jt took the girls and left I was headed to the party but we had switched cars. I went out to the parking lot to jump in the car and rush off but the car was not parked in its "usually" spot in fact I did not see it anywhere in the parking lot! I was hot, rushing the clock, tired and stressed which caused me to be irritable! lol. That was not the worst of it though I go to call Jt to find out where he parked because I would rather not walk the huge parking lot in he heat. But what do you know? He doesnt answer! Hmm once again he is all good, so life is good. Right? Wrong. Hello!!! Your wife is lost in a parking lot in the heat you jerk! Thanks for paying attention to your phone in case i need you or God forbid i have a REAL emergency! At this point I was pissed! It gets worse, just wait!! So he finally calls back but he is irritated with me as if I should have known where the car was!! Really?! I am not a mind reader! We hang up. I get to the car and realize I had left my notebook with the address for the party in the truck!! So I call JT to have Alisa read me the address... guess what!? HE DIDNT ANSWER!!!! Literally 2 seconds later!! I figured it out, went on my phone (thank goodness for smart phones) found the invite on my Fb and typed the address into my navigation. Guess what!!? IT WASNT WORKING!! So here I am pissed at my husband for his lack of attention to me sitting in a car with a broken AC and now I have to figure out where this party is. Not to mention I have yet to eat! No breakfast or snack but I did have coffee which of course after it wears off makes you even more hungry!! But this is where a little light came into my life! That morning in Flips Flops my Director had given me a snickers bar! I remembered this and thought yahoo! at least I can snack on that to tide me over until I get to the party! I soooo needed to sit and relax with good girlfriends!!! I found the party and all was good. But the day didnt end there! When I got home at 4 everyone was sleeping including Jt which to me was no big deal I needed to get started on dinner anyways. But when I got in the truck to go get the groceries for dinner the gas light was still on! Oh I forgot to mention that part, when I got in the truck to go to church the gas light popped on. So I had to make it to church on fumes! Which means the gas light was on for him when he drove home but he chose to just go home. Instead of going to the store and coming home to cook an extra errand was added to my list thanks to his lack of attention to detail! At this point Id had enough! I came home after getting gas and groceries he was still sleeping and the girls were all up!! When I started in on dinner they all started bugging me for things of course. So (oooowahahaha insert evil laugh here) I went into the bedroom where he was sleeping so peacefully and yelled "JONATHAN!!" he jumped up straight out of sleep and I said in a normal voice " the girls are up and I am cooking dinner so you need to get up and help me". He had been sleeping for 3 hours at this point! So after that we had our argument, I vented said what I had to say he said his peace and we still couldnt squash it. We did eventually but it was not until after dinner around 930pm. It had been such a loooong day! I never read my Love Dare, I had decided I would wake up this morning and start fresh. So remember how I said i think God has a sense of Humor? Keep all of this in mind while I talk to you about what YESTERDAYs love dare SHOULD have been!
Love Dare Day 7... Love believes the best! I sure wish for effectiveness I could type out this whole chapter for you. But I wont. In short This chapter says we all have a room in our heart that holds all the appreciations we have for our spouse's. "Wonderful cook" "honest" "pretty eyes" the list goes on. But we ALSO have a "depreciation room" where we have all the negative thinks we know about our spouse "laziness" "lack of attention to detail" this list also goes on. It says this is the room where divorces are planned and evil plans are plotted. In relationships, with love, by choice, we have to choose to limit our time in this room only going to it when we need to know what to pray for our spouse and also to paint in huge letters on the walls "COVERED IN LOVE". So do you see now why i think God has a sense of humor? If only I had MADE the time to read this chapter before my day had started yesterday. Oh how different my mindset would have been! But NOOO I had to be rushing around, not being thoughtful, prepared, or balanced and for that my relationship with my husband suffered yesterday. That is how God works by the way, HIS plan was for me to read it before the day started because he knew I would need to here it but i chose a different path. But the best part is through it all God still won! And I still learned something in fact I learned two things. First I should not ignore the negatives in Jt but instead of going to them only when I am mad I need to bring them to his attention in quiet, calm discussions when we are both open and willing to communicate also I need to go to them when I need to know what to pray for him. Second, I learned God is good. Which of course I already knew but I need reminders often! Because I am dense!! This was a great reminder and God showed me His "humoress" side which was nice too!
The Dare for this day is to make a list of each room. The "appreciation room" and the "depreciation room" set them aside because you will need them later on in the book. Then choose one thing from the appreciation list to say Thank you to your spouse for. I have not made my lists yet but as soon as I am done with this post I am on it ;) I hope you have enjoyed reading this and my prayer for you is that you can possibly learn a little from my mistakes. Thank you for reading leave a comment if you like I LOVE to hear from you all!
LT
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Love Dare Day 5 ( Love is not Rude)
So today was cool because I was not required to carry on with any of the previous dares, Thank goodness, I did however have to, without attacking him or justifying my behavior, ask Jt to tell me three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me.
I asked him first thing in the morning because I knew it would take him all day to come up with three :D lol. Well that didnt really work because we had yard work planned all day and he completely forgot the details of the question hahaha. But of course you know what I was doing all day, i was stressing! Thinking things like "great what is he going to say this is going to be really hard to hear and worse to not be able to respond on my behalf :/ seriously are theses people crazy? I thought through all the things i think I do wrong and can I say it was not easy to think I was going to have to hear out loud from "the mirror I cannot avoid" this was NOT going to be easy in fact I was very worried it was going to hurt in a bad way.
When we put the girls to bed and the house was all settled in I asked him "So did you think at all about the question I asked you this morning?" there was a long pause!!!!!!!!!! This CANNOT be good!! (Is exactly what went through my "the world is over" head). The answer that finally found its way to the surface could not have been further from my worst fear. He replied " Im not sure I can even come up with three!" (you can exhale now haha) Thats what I told myself! :P I know barf, right! Oh how great for me, right! Wrong! I know that he can say this now but let me tell you 3ish years ago before I set out on this self reflecting journey he would have had a list! The ONLY reason he can say that is lots of hard work and staying focused on God and what he wants our marriage to be. It has not been easy! So these words sound oh so sweet to me! I went on and said well would you like for me to say what I think I do that irritates you? We ended up having a good open conversation where I was able to hear what he had to say and in no way was I offended! I am finally at a place in my life where I am comfortable enough with my brokenness and also very self aware knowing what I am doing wrong.
We came up with three things... 1. When he is at work and something happens at home... I call him, but get no answer, I text him and still nothing, I text again, nothing, so then I start in and it usually goes along the lines of "oh what do you know here I am left to figure it out on my own all by myself! Like usual!" or say he makes a mistake with the schedule, it is always (and I say that sincerely) an honest mistake. But I blame him and say dont worry I!!! will figure it out I!!! always DO! In other words I throw his job in his face in a way! As if he could care less about me and the girls! 2. I am always throwing what his mom does and how she acts in his face and I also tend to blame him. I never give him credit for the things he has done to try and combat who "she" is. I love my mother in law, she is such a great help to us with the kids and she absolutely loves us all! I am just jealous and feel like "He is my man now" back off! I get very territorial! lol I know that sounds bad! That is because it is! The truth in what you just read is that I am simply not confident enough in myself and my marriage yet! I should not be threatened at all by my Mother in Law or any women for that matter! I know there is room for growth here!! I can say I have made leaps so far, maybe not bounds yet :). and 3. When he has something very important going on at work and I call him sometimes he will answer to tell me hey something is going on let me call you back. He is trying to give me a heads up and I yell at him that we haven't talked all day and if he was unable to talk then why did he answer the phone at all!
At the end of it all I think I made it through the dare with a lot less scrapes then i was planning! I am glad we had the chance to openly communicate so that I could hear from his perspective what I might try working on! I did have a few things pop out at me so here they are: "If you're thinking that your spouse-- not you -- is the one who needs to work in this area, you're likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness." and "do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them." Id like to end on a thought. It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over but each time your expecting different results. This was an inspiration for me when I decided to try working on my marriage what I was doing over and over was not working, "trying to fix him" just made things worse, so I went about it with a different approach I decided to start fixing me instead! Day 6 will be "Love is not irritable" stay tuned!
LT
I asked him first thing in the morning because I knew it would take him all day to come up with three :D lol. Well that didnt really work because we had yard work planned all day and he completely forgot the details of the question hahaha. But of course you know what I was doing all day, i was stressing! Thinking things like "great what is he going to say this is going to be really hard to hear and worse to not be able to respond on my behalf :/ seriously are theses people crazy? I thought through all the things i think I do wrong and can I say it was not easy to think I was going to have to hear out loud from "the mirror I cannot avoid" this was NOT going to be easy in fact I was very worried it was going to hurt in a bad way.
When we put the girls to bed and the house was all settled in I asked him "So did you think at all about the question I asked you this morning?" there was a long pause!!!!!!!!!! This CANNOT be good!! (Is exactly what went through my "the world is over" head). The answer that finally found its way to the surface could not have been further from my worst fear. He replied " Im not sure I can even come up with three!" (you can exhale now haha) Thats what I told myself! :P I know barf, right! Oh how great for me, right! Wrong! I know that he can say this now but let me tell you 3ish years ago before I set out on this self reflecting journey he would have had a list! The ONLY reason he can say that is lots of hard work and staying focused on God and what he wants our marriage to be. It has not been easy! So these words sound oh so sweet to me! I went on and said well would you like for me to say what I think I do that irritates you? We ended up having a good open conversation where I was able to hear what he had to say and in no way was I offended! I am finally at a place in my life where I am comfortable enough with my brokenness and also very self aware knowing what I am doing wrong.
We came up with three things... 1. When he is at work and something happens at home... I call him, but get no answer, I text him and still nothing, I text again, nothing, so then I start in and it usually goes along the lines of "oh what do you know here I am left to figure it out on my own all by myself! Like usual!" or say he makes a mistake with the schedule, it is always (and I say that sincerely) an honest mistake. But I blame him and say dont worry I!!! will figure it out I!!! always DO! In other words I throw his job in his face in a way! As if he could care less about me and the girls! 2. I am always throwing what his mom does and how she acts in his face and I also tend to blame him. I never give him credit for the things he has done to try and combat who "she" is. I love my mother in law, she is such a great help to us with the kids and she absolutely loves us all! I am just jealous and feel like "He is my man now" back off! I get very territorial! lol I know that sounds bad! That is because it is! The truth in what you just read is that I am simply not confident enough in myself and my marriage yet! I should not be threatened at all by my Mother in Law or any women for that matter! I know there is room for growth here!! I can say I have made leaps so far, maybe not bounds yet :). and 3. When he has something very important going on at work and I call him sometimes he will answer to tell me hey something is going on let me call you back. He is trying to give me a heads up and I yell at him that we haven't talked all day and if he was unable to talk then why did he answer the phone at all!
At the end of it all I think I made it through the dare with a lot less scrapes then i was planning! I am glad we had the chance to openly communicate so that I could hear from his perspective what I might try working on! I did have a few things pop out at me so here they are: "If you're thinking that your spouse-- not you -- is the one who needs to work in this area, you're likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness." and "do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them." Id like to end on a thought. It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over but each time your expecting different results. This was an inspiration for me when I decided to try working on my marriage what I was doing over and over was not working, "trying to fix him" just made things worse, so I went about it with a different approach I decided to start fixing me instead! Day 6 will be "Love is not irritable" stay tuned!
LT
Friday, July 22, 2011
We are going " I love Lucy" Style...
We have to!!! LOL I cant sleep. This past few weeks have been CRAZY with JTs schedule he worked a 72 ( 3days gone) came home for 2 days then worked another 72 came home for one day and then headed back out for a 48 (two days gone)!! So needless to say I got comfortable in a queen bed all to myself!!! Oh yes I was sprawled! I was loving it! Not that I didnt miss him but hello a queen size bed to myself!
Well my dream come true has come to an abrupt stop :( he is home for a few days now and I am now back to 2 feet of a queen size bed. The man is 6'3" 210ish on a bad day! In case you cant imagine that size just trust me it is HUGE! lol I love it but not when it takes up most of the bed! So last night he was laid out on the couch and I went over ever so sweetly and said "OH (very gently), are you sleeping on the couch tonight? (followed by a sweet cute-ish grin of course :P) lol and he is so sweet he asked if I was having trouble sleeping? Would I really like for him to? :) Of course not! But I added maybe we should just go "I love Lucy" style and we can push them together when we are feeling friskay ;P hahahaha That would too work because as often as we do I would sure be getting an added work out on!! LMBO I know TMI whatever.
Maybe its just time to upgrade to Cal King? Who knows, Ill keep you posted on our decision :) Have a great day talk to you this evening when I journal my LOVE dare! Thanks for reading!
LT
Well my dream come true has come to an abrupt stop :( he is home for a few days now and I am now back to 2 feet of a queen size bed. The man is 6'3" 210ish on a bad day! In case you cant imagine that size just trust me it is HUGE! lol I love it but not when it takes up most of the bed! So last night he was laid out on the couch and I went over ever so sweetly and said "OH (very gently), are you sleeping on the couch tonight? (followed by a sweet cute-ish grin of course :P) lol and he is so sweet he asked if I was having trouble sleeping? Would I really like for him to? :) Of course not! But I added maybe we should just go "I love Lucy" style and we can push them together when we are feeling friskay ;P hahahaha That would too work because as often as we do I would sure be getting an added work out on!! LMBO I know TMI whatever.
Maybe its just time to upgrade to Cal King? Who knows, Ill keep you posted on our decision :) Have a great day talk to you this evening when I journal my LOVE dare! Thanks for reading!
LT
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Love Dare Day 4 (Love is Thoughtful)
Well I am happy to say day 3 and 4 are much easier then day 1 and 2! The dare is to contact your spouse sometime throughout the business day just to say hi. Since JT was home I had to get creative. So I was up before the family had all the animals fed watered and also I let him sleep in I asked the girls to be quiet. He has a cold coming on so I "thought" it would be nice to not bug him let him get up when he felt like it :)! I kept the girls busy by teaching them how to make strawberry pancakes! Which was a lot of fun! I also made extra so when he woke up he could have a warm breakfast. He is a big eater so this gets him and Im sure he loved the strawberries because he tends to enjoy more healthy foods. You know the kind that do a body good ;).
I spent the whole day like this just trying to stay on top of it all so that he could enjoy the kids and try to get better. It was really cool too because without me prompting he decided to take the girls to the apple store to look at hard drives. (I need more memory on my computer to get my business stuff back up!) So I think that my patience, kindness, trying to not be selfish is kind of rubbing off. :D The best part is I didnt even do it for that! So all in all it was a really good dare day, I am happy to check another off but I sure am feeling like they are going to hit me with a big one soon! So needless to say Im on my toes!!
A little bit about what the book had to say that stuck out for me was... (Ladies you are going to like this one:) "Let's be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more then women. (True) A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. A woman, on the other hand, is more multi conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wander why her husband isnt helping... all simultaneously. LMBO!! After this paragraph I stopped my reading looking for an Author to see if it was a woman! Hahahaha. Here was a key verse that I liked Genesis 2:18 it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." I really like this verse because in the past few years I have taken pride in what my job as a wife is, and here it is in black and white. Makes my heart smile a little.
It also went on to talk about how women talked between the lines and men speak directly. Then women want to know their man is thoughtful enough to read between the lines. This got me twisted a bit. I dont agree with women acting this way toward our men. I married a man not a women so why would I expect from him what a women is suppose to be? Does that make sense? I want him to be my hero, to stand up and be strong, but then all the sudden I expect him to act and think like me? How fair is that to our Male counterparts girls? This is why WE are that way because men have trouble in this area and men can be strong and brave because it balances us women out. Not that I cannot be strong and brave but it sure is nice to let someone else do it for me on occasion. I also think it is a mind game we play with men and its unfortunate that we are passing this down through our young girls. I hope and pray that my girls can grow up to know, appreciate, and love the men in their lives! It sure makes for healthier relationships when we know what parts we play. If I want Jt to do something I have learned to just freakin say it!! Literally one day I simply said " I am really bummed today and dont know why can you please give me some extra attention!! Guess what he didnt have to guess i didnt have to get mad and I GOT what I wanted!! ITS THAT SIMPLE!! Sorry if anyone gets offended by that but I have never found more joy more happiness then when I am loving caring and nurturing to my husband, and guess what when I act like the women God created me to be not only am I happy but my husband is too which makes for a happy relationship! Okay Ill hop down off the soap box now.
All in all I had a good day four and checked it off the list. Tomorrow is " Love is not rude" and the dare is to ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you, you must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective. :/ well that sounds like it will make for an interesting story!! LOL So stay posted Ill let you know what goes down... wish me luck and Goodnight!
LT
I spent the whole day like this just trying to stay on top of it all so that he could enjoy the kids and try to get better. It was really cool too because without me prompting he decided to take the girls to the apple store to look at hard drives. (I need more memory on my computer to get my business stuff back up!) So I think that my patience, kindness, trying to not be selfish is kind of rubbing off. :D The best part is I didnt even do it for that! So all in all it was a really good dare day, I am happy to check another off but I sure am feeling like they are going to hit me with a big one soon! So needless to say Im on my toes!!
A little bit about what the book had to say that stuck out for me was... (Ladies you are going to like this one:) "Let's be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more then women. (True) A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. A woman, on the other hand, is more multi conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wander why her husband isnt helping... all simultaneously. LMBO!! After this paragraph I stopped my reading looking for an Author to see if it was a woman! Hahahaha. Here was a key verse that I liked Genesis 2:18 it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." I really like this verse because in the past few years I have taken pride in what my job as a wife is, and here it is in black and white. Makes my heart smile a little.
It also went on to talk about how women talked between the lines and men speak directly. Then women want to know their man is thoughtful enough to read between the lines. This got me twisted a bit. I dont agree with women acting this way toward our men. I married a man not a women so why would I expect from him what a women is suppose to be? Does that make sense? I want him to be my hero, to stand up and be strong, but then all the sudden I expect him to act and think like me? How fair is that to our Male counterparts girls? This is why WE are that way because men have trouble in this area and men can be strong and brave because it balances us women out. Not that I cannot be strong and brave but it sure is nice to let someone else do it for me on occasion. I also think it is a mind game we play with men and its unfortunate that we are passing this down through our young girls. I hope and pray that my girls can grow up to know, appreciate, and love the men in their lives! It sure makes for healthier relationships when we know what parts we play. If I want Jt to do something I have learned to just freakin say it!! Literally one day I simply said " I am really bummed today and dont know why can you please give me some extra attention!! Guess what he didnt have to guess i didnt have to get mad and I GOT what I wanted!! ITS THAT SIMPLE!! Sorry if anyone gets offended by that but I have never found more joy more happiness then when I am loving caring and nurturing to my husband, and guess what when I act like the women God created me to be not only am I happy but my husband is too which makes for a happy relationship! Okay Ill hop down off the soap box now.
All in all I had a good day four and checked it off the list. Tomorrow is " Love is not rude" and the dare is to ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you, you must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective. :/ well that sounds like it will make for an interesting story!! LOL So stay posted Ill let you know what goes down... wish me luck and Goodnight!
LT
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Love dare Day 3 finally!! something EZ!!
Dare 3 was Love is not selfish. Okay yes i said this one wasnt hard I know! But really the dare part was not. The dare was simply to buy something special for your spouse. Funny thing is since I didnt read this dare till later on today and the day was half over I was sitting on the couch and jokingly I told JT "Hey do you mind keeping an eye on the girls while I run up to the store real quick?" he of course asked why so I told him then we had a good laugh together because if your married you know that married with kids leaves you very little "extra money" so we both found it very funny that a learning to love your spouse book would ask you to spend money! We both like spending as little as possible lol so I moved on to reading tomorrows dare so i was more prepared then today. But then it came to mind you know I could do something without spending money. So I asked him if he would like a back rub tonight he smiled and said "Really!!!??!!" very shocked that I offered. So that is my not being selfish dare complete. Oh and wait I remembered that we needed coffee and taking initiative ;) ran up to the store without Jt offering :) so when I was up there I grabbed him a chapstick :D we LOVE chapstick lmbo! and he LOVED it when I gave it to him! I bought me one too though havent decided if that was selfish of me or not hahaha. So needless to say Thanks to the very hard challenges the first couple days I feel like they are preparing me and the book does say that about the first two, that they are foundations for the rest if you cant get them you wont get the rest.
I also was not aloud to say anything negative to continue the kindness but it did not specify anything about being patient for a third day phew! done with that haha. OOh this stood out I really liked the bluntness of it... why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish. Sad thing is i dont think the pill is that hard to swallow I think we have all grown comfortable with selfish. Problems is it doesnt help my marriage one single bit! Also this came up... One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive reward. So thats that I liked todays dare maybe because it was easy or maybe because I also got a chapstick :) whatever! it was sure a lot easier then the first two!! Tomorrow's dare is Love is thoughtful... we will see ;) goodnight all, as always thanks for reading!
LT
I also was not aloud to say anything negative to continue the kindness but it did not specify anything about being patient for a third day phew! done with that haha. OOh this stood out I really liked the bluntness of it... why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish. Sad thing is i dont think the pill is that hard to swallow I think we have all grown comfortable with selfish. Problems is it doesnt help my marriage one single bit! Also this came up... One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive reward. So thats that I liked todays dare maybe because it was easy or maybe because I also got a chapstick :) whatever! it was sure a lot easier then the first two!! Tomorrow's dare is Love is thoughtful... we will see ;) goodnight all, as always thanks for reading!
LT
Love Dare Day 2 (Love is Kind)...
Be kind to one another, Tender Hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 That is a loaded verse! I can definitely say I am not always kind in fact I am probably mean more often then not. I was raised by very independent self driven women all of which never seemed to need a man. This has created in me a very independent I don't need anyone especially a man for that matter attitude! Which can I say actually benefits me a lot being married to a firefighter because very often I find myself in situations that require this attitude. The trouble is learning how to put this attitude away when it is not needed. Another thing that came up yesterday while doing this dare was the books definition of "being kind". Let me give you a few examples... "Helpfulness: if its house work you get busy". I often feel like as a stay at home I am obligated to get most of the house work done but it is a rare occasion that I have the house clean and presentable for Jt when he walks in at 8am from his 24 hour shift. This is a special treat for him that I think should happen more often then not. He is a good man who works hard to provide for his family I think he deserves to at least come home to a cleanish house. But all too often I let my laziness, selfishness, or even pride get in the way of me doing this simply because I love him and want to be kind. Next was "Initiative: The kind husband or wife(thats me) will be the one who greets first, serves first, and forgives first". This one struck me a bit. It is often spoke of at church and even in todays society that the Man needs to be the leader that he should go first as a women I always have this in the back of my head while we argue. "Well he needs to be the leader and back down first" or "he should say Im sorry first, its his job to lead us" so to see it here in black and white as a definition of kindness in men AND women well it was like someone said "Liz its ok you can be first it doesnt make him any less a man or a leader". Also I would like to add like I have said in previous post I have seen a lot of change and improvement in our relationship in the past 8 plus years and it has from what I can tell all started with me. Im not saying Jt has not changed he has! But here is the magic and beauty of it all as soon as I let go of what I thought he should fix and change and started to focus on me and what I was not doing as a mom, wife, christian, friend, daughter and so on it was like he had a moment to think I had cleared the air all that bitching and complaining only gave him something to point his finger back at! The weird thing though is anytime I change me to get change from him it never works lol its not the same as me genuinely trying to change and work on me! Frustrating I know!!! lol :) So back to it... the book describes kindness as taking initiative. It also said it means "willingness: Instead of being obstinate, reluctant, or STUBBORN(hahahaha), you cooperate ( let me define that for you CO as in more then one person together OPERATE= function) you know like co-exist and you stay flexible. Yeah this whole part goes against the fiber of my whole being!!!
So I can say i have found more room for improvement. I will give myself this credit though if you knew me 12 years ago and talked with me today you would not know who i was. So as much room for improvement that I have, the gap has definitely been lessoned over the years... Thank GOD!!! Seriously! Also here is a key verse the book shared which stuck out to me for two reasons its famous and I also own the "famous" shirt that comes from this verse... Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So that you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man" Proverbs 3:3-4
I would like to also share with the women reading this... the book mentioned the Proverbs 31 women. This is crazy to me! For months now God has been dropping little hints my way here and there she pops up in my life! So yesterday I decided to use it as a challenge with my small group then I did my devotional and yesterdays devotional spoke of her and here she is AGIAN in the love dare!! Hello! Who could ignore that! lol So needless to say I will be focusing on this women for a while as my example and I am pretty excited about it!
So at the end of the reading for day 2 Love is Kind it asks a direct question that spoke to me in particular, "Do you wait to be asked, or do you take the initiative to help". I let this be the focus of my dare for the day I made sure to do things for Jt without being asked I took special initiative that I dont usually take and I did things ahead of time. Since he was at work this made it somewhat easy for me to complete day 1 dare being patient. When we talked on the phone things were at a point where I could have been mean instead of patient. It was last night around 11:00pm we were all done talking about our days and catching up and he insisted that I promise I will go to bed early and not stay up late. It first made me feel like a child and also I had a list of things to finish for the evening still so I was feeling offended I felt like I was being treated as if I stay up late on purpose! The evening is my only chance to get things done without the kids so I have to take advantage. Instead of blowing up and getting angry with him... I took a BIG deep breath and calmly said " Jonathan, I am doing the best I can to work on myself right now I am personally struggling with my lack of time management, so its hurtful that you would be so harsh with me when I also do not want to be up late but you need to know I am aware of my schedule being off and want to work on it but tonight I have things I need to get done I am not staying up late blowing time on FB I am doing thing worth while and need to get done then I will go to bed." (lol I know it sounds like a freakin therapy session!!!! I hate therapy in case you were wondering haha another thing I need to work on what do you know) any who so guess what the cool part was... instead of it being a fight. My calm patient response to him in turn received a calm patient response back!! He said "Im sorry, I only worry that you will be tired tomorrow and its also harder to deal with you when you are tired and cranky". Hahaha he said it calmly and truth is he is right! So we said goodnight and yahoo! I was able to check two days off in the book!! Oh but also can I say being kind to someone who is not home makes for an interesting day! I did lots of housework and prepared for a BBQ with friends so that Jt has less to take care of! That was me taking initiative :D
So lets end with this its been two days but seriously this is already so tough, to be watching my Ps and Qs almost constantly! It feels like it has been weeks! So I say this to whoever is reading... DO NOT TAKE THIS DARE LIGTLY!! Its friggein tough!! But well worth it so far! :) Thanks for reading! Hope you've enjoyed it! On to Love Dare Day 3...
LT
So I can say i have found more room for improvement. I will give myself this credit though if you knew me 12 years ago and talked with me today you would not know who i was. So as much room for improvement that I have, the gap has definitely been lessoned over the years... Thank GOD!!! Seriously! Also here is a key verse the book shared which stuck out to me for two reasons its famous and I also own the "famous" shirt that comes from this verse... Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So that you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man" Proverbs 3:3-4
I would like to also share with the women reading this... the book mentioned the Proverbs 31 women. This is crazy to me! For months now God has been dropping little hints my way here and there she pops up in my life! So yesterday I decided to use it as a challenge with my small group then I did my devotional and yesterdays devotional spoke of her and here she is AGIAN in the love dare!! Hello! Who could ignore that! lol So needless to say I will be focusing on this women for a while as my example and I am pretty excited about it!
So at the end of the reading for day 2 Love is Kind it asks a direct question that spoke to me in particular, "Do you wait to be asked, or do you take the initiative to help". I let this be the focus of my dare for the day I made sure to do things for Jt without being asked I took special initiative that I dont usually take and I did things ahead of time. Since he was at work this made it somewhat easy for me to complete day 1 dare being patient. When we talked on the phone things were at a point where I could have been mean instead of patient. It was last night around 11:00pm we were all done talking about our days and catching up and he insisted that I promise I will go to bed early and not stay up late. It first made me feel like a child and also I had a list of things to finish for the evening still so I was feeling offended I felt like I was being treated as if I stay up late on purpose! The evening is my only chance to get things done without the kids so I have to take advantage. Instead of blowing up and getting angry with him... I took a BIG deep breath and calmly said " Jonathan, I am doing the best I can to work on myself right now I am personally struggling with my lack of time management, so its hurtful that you would be so harsh with me when I also do not want to be up late but you need to know I am aware of my schedule being off and want to work on it but tonight I have things I need to get done I am not staying up late blowing time on FB I am doing thing worth while and need to get done then I will go to bed." (lol I know it sounds like a freakin therapy session!!!! I hate therapy in case you were wondering haha another thing I need to work on what do you know) any who so guess what the cool part was... instead of it being a fight. My calm patient response to him in turn received a calm patient response back!! He said "Im sorry, I only worry that you will be tired tomorrow and its also harder to deal with you when you are tired and cranky". Hahaha he said it calmly and truth is he is right! So we said goodnight and yahoo! I was able to check two days off in the book!! Oh but also can I say being kind to someone who is not home makes for an interesting day! I did lots of housework and prepared for a BBQ with friends so that Jt has less to take care of! That was me taking initiative :D
So lets end with this its been two days but seriously this is already so tough, to be watching my Ps and Qs almost constantly! It feels like it has been weeks! So I say this to whoever is reading... DO NOT TAKE THIS DARE LIGTLY!! Its friggein tough!! But well worth it so far! :) Thanks for reading! Hope you've enjoyed it! On to Love Dare Day 3...
LT
Monday, July 18, 2011
Love Dare Day 1 (not quite the cake walk I thought it'd be)...
I sit here amazed once again! Funny story... I got this book more for entertainment. LOL who is laughing now? Well I guess I can say I am entertained but not in the way I thought. Today's dare was to demonstrate patience and say nothing negative to your spouse... ROFLMBO. This chapter went on to talk about being slow to speak slow to get angry. If you know me at all you know anger is an issue I deal with almost on a daily basis weather it be toward the girls Jonathan or some other unknowing person. I know that this is my core sin and for me it is a hard one to control. So this is why its so funny to me. The book warned against taking it lightly and I did anyways! Guess thats what I get! :/
I actually did really well with the kids on this issue today in fact I had a very complicated issue come up with my older two girls that on a normal day I probably would have been quick to punish as severely as possible but instead I took a VERY BIG deep breath thought for a minute and then chose my course of action. I was quite proud of me. As for Jt not so much we were discussing how to deal with and punish for the "broken rule" and when I didn't like his opinion instead of taking a moment to think and respond in a positive way I just disagreed in a very firm way! Im am bummed on myself for it, but like the book says don't give up keep going and don't check off the dare until you have completed it! Oh also it said its better to say nothing then to act in anger! Wish I could get that concept!! So here's to a new day and a whole new chance at my dare! Here's to hoping! and praying ;) wish me luck!
LT
I actually did really well with the kids on this issue today in fact I had a very complicated issue come up with my older two girls that on a normal day I probably would have been quick to punish as severely as possible but instead I took a VERY BIG deep breath thought for a minute and then chose my course of action. I was quite proud of me. As for Jt not so much we were discussing how to deal with and punish for the "broken rule" and when I didn't like his opinion instead of taking a moment to think and respond in a positive way I just disagreed in a very firm way! Im am bummed on myself for it, but like the book says don't give up keep going and don't check off the dare until you have completed it! Oh also it said its better to say nothing then to act in anger! Wish I could get that concept!! So here's to a new day and a whole new chance at my dare! Here's to hoping! and praying ;) wish me luck!
LT
The Love Dare...
I am starting this book today because I have been searching for something to help me grow further as a wife and friend to my husband! I want him to be proud of me, I want God to be proud of me. Also I am a fighter at heart I want the best and I do not settle I always believe and have faith that if I want something I can get it with hard work and determination. I have seen so much growth in our nearly 8 years together and I can honestly say so much of it was me. As in I was the problem. It started one day when I was washing dishes I remember the moment very clearly! I was standing there doing dishes Jt was at work or maybe paramedic school. We had decided it was time to spend the money and sacrafice our family time for a while so that he could better himself in his career and in turn bring home more money a paycheck it would be a win win, right? Well let me say this, he was very stern about making sure I was up for the challenge he knew the struggles that lay ahead! I was way more focused on YES WE NEED THE MONEY! So I said yes to school and the schedule but I did that not fully understanding. It was a crazy two years Jt was home like 1 day a week and all he did was sleep because his schedule was so hard on him. So with that in mind I still said yes! We went at it together so why then was I sitting there doing dishes cussing my husband out in my head pissed at all the things he did to cause me to be alone for two years left to deal with the kids alone left to deal with teachers at Alisas school alone I was so angry with him. I am pretty sure it was God who slapped me in the face that day. Out of these crazy mean evil thoughts toward my husband a random thought popped in my head... look at you! Look at how angry you are! How fair is this for him he is missing his family working like crazy to try and pay the bills studying like crazy so our hard earned money doesnt go to nothing AND you said YES too!! As soon as this thought hit I stopped doing the dishes I sat down at the computer and I also remember this very clearly! I posted to my fb... "Mom dont answer this one! I need a book christian women friends I am very angry toward Jonathan and its not ok does anyone know of a book I could read". My dear friend Amanda who at the time did not know me that well brought me a book by Dr. Laura "The proper care and feeding of a marriage" this book changed me in more ways then I can count! I LOVE Dr. Laura she is blunt, straight to the point and says what everyone else is thinking but wont say! Love her hate her this book had some really good points! I can say our marriage has been more happy more fulfilling and just plain better since I read this book and started changing ME!! Thats right ME!! So here goes another venture this one is more for fun. I thought if the other book helped me think of him more and not be so selfish maybe this could be good too! So I will be sharing each day with you guys and each struggle I am quite excited but there is a warning in the book to not take it lightly... haha this is kinda hard not to do since I have the cheesy movie stuck in my head! But whatever here goes nothing! I am also going to spin it a bit and try it toward my children Lord knows I could work on those relationships too!
LT
LT
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Balancing Act...
I guess Im on a role tonight hahaha. In light of Jt working so much I was just thinking also I could share a little bit more about how this causes struggles :( sorry Im such a downer right now I really dont mean to be I am really learning to LOVE what he does and I am also learning the ins and outs of this random life we have. But this is something I am personally struggling with at the moment so I thought I could share. Who knows maybe someone out there is cyber space has some great words of wisdom they could pass along that might help to encourage and guide me.
So here's the deal. With Jt working so much our time together is short lived but to add to it our time with family, friends, vacation, volunteer work, and the list goes on is also short lived. So for example this last week he worked a 72 came home for 2 days and then headed back out for another 72 getting home this morning. So in that 2 days between long shifts we had to find time for family, kids, fun time, friends, play dates, clients, crafts, quiet time, and so much more. Oh AND I caught a cold hahaha of course! So his two days off were spent playing catch up with all life's random things BUT also I had to get better since we knew he was leaving again for another 3 days. Dude! It was crazy :/ and I think what makes it harder is that when he works a lot obviously he doesn't get to see his family as much so when he is off they want to see him, us and the kids... which would be great but we all know how that goes if we are spending time with extended family or friends we are obviously not getting good quality time for the two of us. So maybe Im not suppose to say it but I am going to anyways! I don't always want to share!! :) He is MY husband! He is MY man and I want MY OWN time with him to just be us! It is hard enough to get time together with 3 little rascals running around and then to throw MILs and FILs into the mix phew! It gets to be so exhausting! But I think my reality is no one will really ever understand our way of life I simply have to learn to put my foot down and when enough is enough I need to be strong enough to say it! To whoever needs to hear it! So thats it I am simply struggling with learning to balance all of life and at the end of the day still have a happy healthy family! Any suggestions? lol... no really all you experienced ladies out there let me hear it! Whats your secret? How do you stay sane through all life's demands? and when you have ONE day to spend with your family what do you do with the rest of the world?
LT
So here's the deal. With Jt working so much our time together is short lived but to add to it our time with family, friends, vacation, volunteer work, and the list goes on is also short lived. So for example this last week he worked a 72 came home for 2 days and then headed back out for another 72 getting home this morning. So in that 2 days between long shifts we had to find time for family, kids, fun time, friends, play dates, clients, crafts, quiet time, and so much more. Oh AND I caught a cold hahaha of course! So his two days off were spent playing catch up with all life's random things BUT also I had to get better since we knew he was leaving again for another 3 days. Dude! It was crazy :/ and I think what makes it harder is that when he works a lot obviously he doesn't get to see his family as much so when he is off they want to see him, us and the kids... which would be great but we all know how that goes if we are spending time with extended family or friends we are obviously not getting good quality time for the two of us. So maybe Im not suppose to say it but I am going to anyways! I don't always want to share!! :) He is MY husband! He is MY man and I want MY OWN time with him to just be us! It is hard enough to get time together with 3 little rascals running around and then to throw MILs and FILs into the mix phew! It gets to be so exhausting! But I think my reality is no one will really ever understand our way of life I simply have to learn to put my foot down and when enough is enough I need to be strong enough to say it! To whoever needs to hear it! So thats it I am simply struggling with learning to balance all of life and at the end of the day still have a happy healthy family! Any suggestions? lol... no really all you experienced ladies out there let me hear it! Whats your secret? How do you stay sane through all life's demands? and when you have ONE day to spend with your family what do you do with the rest of the world?
LT
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
Wow! It has been cerazay! Not to mention keeping up emotionally! Our schedule is so out of whack right now! I can hardly tell if I am coming or going half the time. Jt has been working insane hours and then to top it off has been home a day here a day there. Well today he came home just getting off a 72 which is 3 days in a row and I am pretty sure this is my limit. I mean obviously when its fire season there are times he can be gone upwards of weeks but that thank goodness is few and far between. So he came home this morning and man o man were his girls excited to see him!! Including me! :) We had a great morning of reconnecting but of course the honeymoon has to end sometime. Thats what I call it... "The Honeymoon" you know the oh I love you you are so amazing I missed you blah blah blah! That was until we sent the girls outside to play and he decided to have an opinion about it. This is the hard part for 3 days I have been on my own, left to make decisions on my own, no one I need to discuss anything with. Its simple I want something to go a certain way well thats how it goes plain and to the point, and after 3 days I start to get comfortable here. Problem is when he comes home I now have to go bipolar and bust out "Wifey mode" NOT at all easy!! Especially for my stubborn soul. But today was a step in our relationship. Yes we had our usual get down and dirty fight you know to break the silence lol but today was different. Why, I really don't know other then the fact that I have been praying an extra special prayer for God to guard us to protect our marriage and to help us find an easier way through this transition. So we both said things we didnt mean and as soon as the fight hit a high Jt left the room to get away. The frustrating thing about these situations is that for 3 days all I can think about is how much I want him home and as soon as he gets home something like this happens and Im sure we both think it but what goes through my head is hmm maybe you should just go back to work. Really this is not what I want but I also don't want him coming home and acting like life can change at the drop of a hat. So today was really cool because after things got real nasty we both took a big deep breath and sitting on our bed in complete silence I simply said "Im sorry" and after a minute he said it right back. We don't want it to go down this way but for some reason it just does. I am thankful we have hit a point now where we are learning to communicate it a little better. After the "Im sorry's" I cried a little and I opened up to him. I shared that its hard for me to do. I dont understand how to transition without feeling bipolar and I also shared that I think I get a bit prideful that I have done just fine on my own for 3 days "who do you think you are " attitude tends to sneak its way into my head more often then not. It felt really good to be communicating in a healthier way. So I am going to continue praying my prayer because it seems to be doing something. The best part is!!... it was squashed early so we were able to come back together as a family and enjoy the rest of the day! :D If you know us it would be great if you could also pray this specific prayer for us! I am not sure how other fire wives have learned to cope with this adjustment if any of you have any ideas or things that have worked for you I am open and would love to hear! As always thank you thank you for reading! Have a great night! and God Bless!
LT
LT
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